Steps to a Great Marriage (#1)

Praise Report: The January MRI showed significant improvement in her spine!

I wrote earlier that I would share some lessons learned about taking one's marriage to the next level. I do believe that they are the foundation for a great marriage. I will share three today. I also decided to "cut to the chase" and not do a lot of illustrating since Deb reserved veto rights on what was written! ha. So here are three of many steps to a great marriage.

1. Let God reign.

A great marriage has God as its foundation, so be God centered, not self-centered. It is His will that must be done, not mine. This life is not about me or mine. It is about God and his work. He will use us as He desires in order to work out His will in this world. Sometimes He does that with untimely deaths and illnesses, and other times He does it with long faithful lives of service. Whichever it is, we must recognize that God is Sovereign, not us. We must be obedient to His commands and teachings and to his direction for our individual lives. We submit and surrender to Him. He is working out history, and we will one day be amazed at how our lives have been impacted by those who came before us and how our lives have impacted people presently and in the future. Trust God - (not yourself, not someone else, nor wealth). This means we even trust Him with our health or lack of it. Instead of asking, “Why me?” we should be asking, “Why not me?” Trials give us an opportunity to grow and bring God glory. This is when we can walk the talk.

2. Live each day as if it is your last.

Life is uncertain. Each one of us who drives or rides in a vehicle could be killed in an accident at any moment. A life threatening disease will open your eyes like nothing else to the transient nature of this life. We have no guarantee of tomorrow much less next month or next year. So tell and show your loved ones how much they mean to you each day. Make each day count with your beloved spouse and children. Do not take your family for granted. Love them dearly. Treat every goodbye kiss as if it were your last goodbye (because one day it will be), and if it should be the last, make sure that you both have pleasant memories of those last moments together. Tell your family those things you want them to know and believe about God and you and tell it to them often. Do for them today what you would like to do for them because you may not a tomorrow with them. (Of course, I am not suggesting running up debts in order to live each day as if it is your last!!! That is irresponsibility and poor stewardship.) But treating them as Christ would treat them is good stewardship of time and resources. Try to live each day in such a way that you have no regrets. Made amends with others and right "wronged relationships". Take advantage of the opportunities God gives you to serve Him; do it today, not tomorrow.

3. Lighten up.

Laugh a lot. See the humor in your situations. Laughter is a good medicine. It relieves stress. It brings joy. Laughter brings happiness. It lightens one’s load. See humor in the circumstances and trials that life throws at us. In May and June as I watched Debbie digress rapidly, I laughed more than I can ever remember. But we were in such a serious fight for health that we needed to lighten up and laugh. So I began to see and enjoy humor in every situation, even most every comic strip. She needed to laugh and laughter is contagious. I am serious minded by nature so I made a special effort to find humor and express it instead of holding it in or shrugging it off. So we shared a lot of laughs.

God bless you all.
dj

Great news!

Thanks to so many of you for your prayers and encouragement. God is good all the time!

Today is a great day! For the second visit in a row the oncologist was very positive about Deb. Our reaction Wednesday to the blood work remaining the same reminds me of the end of my first year of Greek. Our teacher said, “Boys, you can read a little bit of Greek now, but you only know enough to be dangerous and cause trouble. You know the basic rules but have no concept of all the exceptions to the rules.” (Even after four years of classroom instruction in Greek, I realize I still only know enough to cause trouble and confusion!) Well, we only know enough about Myeloma to make wrong assumptions and jump to erroneous conclusions, like we did on Wednesday, so I removed that "blue, blue" update based on our poor assumptions due to Deb calling a nurse to get a marker number a day before we met with the oncologist.

Today the oncologist explained that they very seldom get a myeloma patient’s M protein down to a 0.0. A 0.1 is great, and the longer it stays at 0.1 without increasing the better. She has been at 0.1 since the end of August. He said that if she had only had a 75% drop, they would have called that a remission, but she has had and maintained a 97% drop! (She had a 91% drop in August, if you remember, in the specific marker, IGA). This is a great remission, even if it is not a “complete remission.” A “complete remission” (0.0 and no measurable cancer activity or presence) seldom happens, although our friend here, Eddie Nelson, as I understand it, did achieve a complete remission even before his stem cell transplant, however his MM was in only one vertebra and was caught very early.

The Dr. said that Debbie’s response to the treatment for Myeloma is about as good as it gets! A stem cell transplant might give a little better treatment response, but even that is only effective 70% of the time, and they are very happy if the M protein stays at 0.1 even after a transplant. He said that 0.1 does NOT necessarily mean that the cancer is still nibbling away on her bones, although it could be doing a little bit of it. We just don’t know and cannot measure it except over time (many months) with periodic x-rays. I had forgotten that he told us in August that the M protein is not a real accurate measure of cancer activity. So that also makes us feel much better about coasting along with a 0.1 reading. He is very pleased with her progress, and even at the last visit he encouraged her to keep doing what she is doing. Praise the Lord! So if down the road, she does get into a complete remission, we will praise God for his further divine intervention.

He reemphasized that in treating myeloma he is concerned with three things: blood, bones, and M protein. He reiterated that the M protein is under control. The blood is back to normal and under control. Therefore, the bones should be under control and that explains no new compression fractures and they appear to be under control too. Occasionally, x-rays and MRI's can cross them up in their reading of them. Something shows up and they just assume it is myeloma when it could have been a number of other things. Here I go assuming again, but it would appear then, that the films that had him and the neurosurgeon so concerned back in November may not have been new myeloma. We are praying that it was new bone growth. Whatever it was should be clearer in X-rays and an MRI to be done next week. The comparison between films will be interesting to see.

So we will quit stressing over insignificant numbers and enjoy each day that the Lord makes on our behalf. May God bless you in a special way this weekend so that you sense his presence and his love for you.

Duane
P.S. I plan to start writing spots on this blog about lessons we have learned thru this ordeal - lessons that have taken us from a very good marriage to a great marriage.

Duane

Insights from Exodus 25

Our dear friends,

I sensed from the Lord that I am to share my Quiet Time from this morning so that it may minister to someone who reads this blog. So here it is. And I plan to do more sharing here every few days about the lessons I have learned through this trial. (FYI, we go for blood work Monday the 9th and should know on the 13th during the appointment with the oncologist/hematologist whether or not Deb has gotten into a complete remission. Please continue praying for complete remission.)

My A-Team began to meet again today after several months off, due to Deb’s illness and holidays. It was good to be back. I knew that the news paper would be a temptation to skip my Quiet Time due to Texas’ great comeback victory for a national Championship last night, so I confessed that and prayed against it. God answered that prayer immediately! Lance took my newspaper with him as he left.

My assigned reading for the day began in Exodus 25 (keep in mind that I tell new believers to begin reading their Bible from GN 1- EX 24 and skip the rest of Exodus which is pretty boring as it deals with instructions on building the Tabernacle). I read the first 16 verses and decided to skip all the “boring” material for once (I have read my Bible through many times so my conscience was clear – I thought!). However, I decided to skip Leviticus, and Numbers too. As I was turning on toward Deuteronomy I sensed the Lord’s displeasure and His summoning me back to EX 25. So I surrendered and went back.

Amazingly, He allowed me to read it with fresh eyes this time. I only got through 22 verses today as He opened my eyes to symbolism I had always missed before, I guess because I was in a hurry to rush through the “boring parts.” Let me share with you the insights.

Ex 25 v. 2 “Tell the people of Israel to bring me their sacred offerings.”

What we offer to God is sacred, whether it is our tithes plus, or our possessions, or time or talent because it is offered to Him. It is holy. It is set apart for a sacred purpose. God’s purpose.

Ex 25 v. 3-7
The Israelites offered precious metal, fine cloth and skins, special wood (keep in mind how little of this wood could be found in the desert and how much would be needed for cooking, sacrifices and building the Tabernacle), olive oil (how precious this too would be in the desert), spices and precious stones. God wants our best too, the first of our income and time.

Now v.8 gets exciting! “…build me a holy sanctuary so I can live among them.”

Doesn’t that ring a bell? Jn 1:14 says that Jesus tabernacled or dwelt among men. God dwelt among the Israelites in his shekinah glory as a cloud by day and a fire by night as He led them through the desert. Remember God’s shekinah glory descended from heaven and filled Solomon’s Temple as God’s dwelling place among his people until their sinfulness caused him to “divorce” his bride Israel and send them into exile (sounds like Eph 4:30 where our sin can grieve the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, doesn’t it?). Remember there was a 400 year period of prophetic silence until John the Baptist appeared to prepare the way for God’s shekinah glory to appear among his people in the form of Jesus, God robed in flesh.
Ex 25:10 says that the Ark of the Covenant (the box that held the stone tablets of the 10 commandments which was God’s basic covenant law for Israel to keep in order to be blessed) was to be made of wood and overlaid inside and out with pure gold.

Interestingly enough, Jesus, God’s human box containing his covenant words for all mankind, was a carpenter who worked with wood and died on a wooden cross, and his spirit was overlaid inside and out with pure sinless flesh.

Ex 25:16 says to place the 10 commandments written on the two stone tablets inside the box. Remember that God’s own finger inscribed that stone (Ex 31:18; 34:1). Later on, in Jeremiah 31:33-4 God prophesies through Jeremiah that after the exile and restoration, the day will come when God will write his laws no longer on stone, but on the tablets of his peoples’ hearts and put them in their minds, and the Hebrews writer is telling us that is what happened in New Testament times through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. That is why it is so important for us to dig into His Word, so that God can write it on our hearts.

Ex 25:17-20 speaks of the ark’s cover being the place or seat of atonement and two cherubim (images of angels with wings) stand at each end of the ark and spread their wings over it covering it. Recall that only the high priest, once per year on the Day of Atonement, would enter the Holy of Holies where the ark sat, which sort of also symbolized God’s throne and his presence there, and the High Priest would sprinkle blood on the mercy seat or atonement seat to deal with the sins of the people for that year.

This foreshadows LK 24:4 where two angels in the tomb announced to the women that Jesus had been raised from the dead. His own blood sprinkled the cross and the empty tomb.

But get this next verse! – Ex 25:22 – God says to Moses, “I will meet with you there and talk to you from above the atonement cover…From there I will give you my commands for the people of Israel.”

Isn’t that what happens in our Christian lives? God meets with us at the cross and the empty tomb. When we approach God’s throne of grace in confessional repentance, Christ’s blood has already made atonement for our sins, God forgives us and grants us mercy and grace and restores us into right relationship with him. He cleanses us. He speaks to us from His Word [even often causing a text we (may have read many times but never seen or internalized) to jump off the page and into our hearts] and through prayer or however He chooses to call attention to his message to us which then requires a faith/trust reaction on our part to be obedient to his command for our next step in our faith walk with Him.

In this journey called life we have to TRUST God’s leading. He usually shows us a direction He wants us to go in life, but then only allows us to clearly see one step at a time into the future. And our future is put on hold until we take that one step in trusting obedience. Then he shows us the next step to take in obedience to his will so that he can shape us and mold us into spiritual beings that look more and more like Jesus, his perfect Son.

Remember that Hebrews 5:8 says that Jesus learned obedience through his suffering. Let us not be surprised when God allows us to suffer in this life. Even if the Enemy means to discourage or destroy us with that painful experience, God in his all powerful might and wisdom will use that painful experience:

to chip away our rough edges in order to turn us into a diamond like being that will brightly reflect his glory from deep inside us in spite of our obvious flaws;

to boil away the impurities in our character that try to contaminate us;

to cut dangerous, infectious-like sin out of our sinful hearts;

to separate us from deadly rebellion;

to pull us away from distractions that threaten to sidetrack us from our mission of serving God.

Regardless of what crucible or pressure cooker you find yourself in, trust God to use it for your cleansing and strengthening as he transforms you from a sinner into a saint. (Romans 12:1-2)

May God bless you,
Duane